hell yes lets make some ravioli
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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