Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
