I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
