so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
