Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
And then he peed in my hair
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