we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i think i have two assholes
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
