I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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