I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
