So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
