I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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