Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
thus making me awesome and them whores
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
