She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
