If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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