I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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