I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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