Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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