can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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