My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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