Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
