I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
