At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
