i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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