his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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