My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
