The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
