I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
