I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
