im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
