I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
