this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
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