ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm bleeding and have questions
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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