Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
