he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
