Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
