Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
