how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
