pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
