Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
