i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
