you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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