There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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