guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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