Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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