dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
