Your mouth is God's brothel.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
