I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
