i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
