haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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