i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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