I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
