after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
