There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
